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At the present moment, I feel like the giant knot of unresolved between us has just beating me down into a really dark place. This particular issue has been ongoing for a year, and the more civil we are to one another- the more I continue to disappoint myself regarding my particular situation.

This is not to say that you have any blame in the matter. You have been absolutely right about everything so far, the ball's in my court, and the more I chose not to do anything about it, the more painful the end is going to be for the people I claim to care about. Maybe I would be more courageous if I knew what exactly was going on in your head sometimes, but that wouldn't be fair to anyone.

Nevertheless, it still makes it mighty difficult to sit across from you and listen about your issues while I'm internally waving my hands and shouting "i'm right here! Maybe this is your way of nudging me to intervene or quite simply a way to discourage me from thinking about a possibility that would never work.

With that being said, I'm beginning to understand why you think we can't be friends anymore. And so concludes my mental rant.

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So, I'll keep drinking my sorrows away, want to ?